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Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

The light is so subtle as it creeps steadily through my curtains like a military force slowly advancing on it’s target. As the light comes, it dispels the darkness and I am left feeling clean and alive once more. There was a part of me that truly loved the night a long time ago…I used to prefer to live in it and instead sleep in the day, but that was before I met Him.

Before I met Him so many things were different about me. I thought that night was better than day…more mysterious, more opportunity to do things that must be hidden. It was all dark and sinister…and I loved it. I used to think that if vampires were real I could find them only in the night and with the love of blood and sex everything would be alright…I could live forever! Yes this was before the twilight craze…before vampires lived in the day. In that time I practiced witchcraft too…longing to bring true love my way…tired I guess, even then, of all the subtle games that I played trying to get what I thought I wanted. Desperately seeking for someone to find me, love me, lead me, and see me…but how could they? It was to dark to see me, I was to ugly to love, all twisted up and brokenly confused…until You.

It was night when I met You too…I ponder this now thinking You must have known that You would have to woo me back out of the night and into the light. You met me on my turf. You sought me out, and when I laid bare all that I was in those terrifyingly quite moments you took me in your arms and washed me clean. To You I was not ugly, to You I was not used, to You I was a treasure and You showed me all that I had been loosing by believing the lie that living in the night was all that I deserved. You showed me that light is stronger than darkness, and that a price had been laid on my head, like a bounty hunter You found me and said that You had already paid the lynch man off, You had surrendered the cost and if I would only accept this truth, this selfless gift then I could know what true love meant. Then, with a mind that was screaming and a heart that was beating so violently I thought it might rip free from it’s rib cage enclosure, carefully creeping on trembling toe’s painstakingly slow…you led me from darkness into glorious day, and I will never be the same!

Now my love affair is with the day, and I ache and long for the light, for the truth to shine and the lies and things that are hidden to be exposed and dispelled. Light conquers darkness, and You reign in my heart, you set me apart, you call me your own and now I am home…home in the light. I say goodbye to the night.

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Lyric 1: When you feel alone and lonely, when you are feeling down, I know the person you can go to, He will turn your frown upside down.

Lyric 2: When the worlds closing in and all around seems dark, I know the one who will show you how to kindle an unquenchable spark.

Lyric 3: When you think that nothing matters and you’ve lost your greatest friend, come along and He will show you a joy that never ends.

Lyric 4: When you are so tired and you feel like giving up, just relax and let God hold you, don’t ever pick the burden back up!

Chorus: God’s yolk is easy. His burden is light. Let Him fill you with the brightest of lights. Don’t be afraid now, no don’t run away, just stop and pray now, He will show you the way! Oh!! Just stop and pray now, He will show you the way!

 

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Time moves so fast sometimes, especially when you long for it to go slower. With Christmas just around the corner and the inevitable deployment of my beloved husband shortly after that I am feeling a bit like beating time up. I would like to jump him in a back alley and hold him hostage for a while.

Sadly time is not something we can grasp and since we are consumed with measuring it the fact that it slips right through our hands is all the more painfully evident. All we can ask is what will I do with today? What will I do with this next hour…or minute to make it count…to make it last, even if only as it slips away, a fading mist of a memory.

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The woe’s of flight

Somehow those guys can throw their frisbee’s so much farther than I can. It is really amazing to watch as they wind up and throw, the disc just seems to go and go always landing somewhere near the disc golf hole. My discs on the other hand get flung with all my might and almost always go off to the right, or hit a tree, or even just ker-plop. 

How do they do it? I see the way they grip their discs and here comes the dance of the short rush and arm zip…then the disc seems to hang in the air, it floats and floats without a care. It reaches it’s crescendo and gently begins it’s downward descent landing in good proximity to the ultimate event, and these guys are making under par every time… that’s a crime! What about mine? It sores and it flies but when it reaches crescendo it simply just dies, hurtling toward the ground at a steep incline, I find that if I could make par that would be simply divine.

 

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The Planned Parenthood just up the street from where I live has had this sign up that says “Planning for parenthood is sacred work”…this is, in itself, so very true but as a young woman still healing from the last time planned parenthood helped me rid myself of the “sacred work” within my womb I can’t help but see them as the place to go when you want to commit a heinous crime without the need of a stolen get away car. I remember hearing them say that I was pregnant and asking them what to do next. I said; well can I get my prenatal care here? Oh no, they said, we don’t do that, but if you want an abortion we can put you in for Saturday. I thought then how exactly are you helping me plan for parenthood?

“Planned Murder” would be a better name but with the truth written so matter a fact in black and white like that who would go there?

*For the girl that lived and died 1980-2005*

 

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I see the signs…

I see the signs of the oncoming winter all around me. I remember when it was just that the leaves were starting to turn there bright shades of gold, red and bronze…now the cold is creeping in and with it the sense of both dread and excitement. I can’t wait for the first snow but I know that almost as soon as it is bright and white on the ground the grey of winter will begin to close in and instead of being a beautiful sight it will instead be dirty snow piled high.

I think Christmas should last longer, the bright cheer and color of lights twinkling in the night would be a much needed relief in the coldest months (Jan-March). Holding the true spirit of Christmas a bit longer could only do us good instead of this hurried frenzy of materialism. Before you even realize it the day has come and gone and winter still carries on for what seems like forever.

It is in this moment that I decide that in my home the lights will still shine all through the winter months! I may even leave the Christmas tree up! I know that there is much joy to be had in snuggling down on a cold winters night, never mind that it’s March, with a good book and the soft glow from the Christmas lights all around you. Oh, but I do love winter…at least until spring is here!

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Safe Shopper

I chose life! I opted not to go out in the throngs of would be bargain buyers and saved myself the terrible death of being trampled (so sad this actually happens)…instead I shopped from the comfort of my own living room! I still got some great deals and I did not have to wait in long lines! I would recommend this route to anyone!

Now I am watching “Welcome Home Charlie Brown”! Pour guy misspelled Beagle and when he got home I could not help but feel sad that his mom and dad were not right there to give him a big snuggle and tuck him in. LOL, I know it’s just a cartoon, but seriously if it was me I would have needed a BIG snuggle after such an epic fail. *Just saying*

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