Let’s talk about something hard. Something that often gets twisted up. Something that causes such anger and sadness along with confusion, that many of you may never want to visit my page again. Do you wonder what the topic is yet?
Discipline/ Child Training
Do I have your attention? Are you going to continue reading or are you already angry? I have some things I would like to say on this topic and so I will bravely march on.
We live in a dark and broken world. It is a place where people often twist even the best things up until they are no longer recognizable and no longer resemble even a former shadow of the good things they were. I think the same has been done with the training and disciplining of our children.
The Bible says that God disciplines those he loves. Now as a Christian I understand that it is because my heavenly father loves me that he would ever even bother to care enough about me to try and correct my bad behavior. I know that it is out of God’s great love and mercy for me that he painstakingly, patiently, and lovingly corrects me so that I can develop a moral character that will shine before men and set me apart as having something desirable. As a Christian I realize that God is shaping and molding me to have a heart like his, to love like he loves and to serve how he serves, he is training me to be a good example of who he is and teaching me to be kind and generous, to be selfless, and humble, to have self control and patients, to forgive and to try and just do what is right in general. If God did not love me he would not bother to teach me these things, he would not bother to train me…the same can be said in regards to parents and their earthly children. So many parents fail to consistently, patiently, lovingly, painstakingly, faithfully, and carefully train their children.
What kind of parent are you?
Are you the screamer? Yelling at your children to try and get them to respond in a way that you think they should?
Are you the negotiator? Using treats, or rewards to try and get your kids to obey in the way you think?
Are you the bully? Using force to make your child succumb to your demands. “I said sit down” (you physically push your child down).
Are you the “Time-out” parent? Using time-out’s as a way to try and make your kid behave?
Are you the beater or abuser? You make your kids do what you say because if they don’t they are going to pay it.
My questions to you is do any of these really work? I don’t think that they do. But I realize that many parents feel stuck between a rock and hard place not knowing what to do. What I suggest is nothing new, it’s been around for ages, but the world has recently turned against it to such a degree that many parents are afraid to do it. Have you guessed? Yes, I suggest spanking. Now wait! Don’t freak out. I don’t mean beat your kids, I don’t mean go to the extreme and become some crazy child beating lunatic. I simply mean this, and I will give some examples now:
A four to six month old who is learning the army crawl and maybe to actually crawl may often crawl towards the fire place. Now in my home I have a bit of stone that comes out and clearly makes a threshold for the fireplace. I trained my daughter at this tender age not to cross the threshold simply by standing by and waiting for her hand to fly out and touch it. I would then give her little hand a little flick and explain in a calm yet firm voice that the fire place was a “no”. I found that after the third or fourth time she simply ceased trying as she learned that to cross the line would lead to a very little bit of pain and a sad look from her mam-ma. Let me tell you that had I not rained her in such a manner the pain she may have suffered the first time we lit a fire would have been far worse, and I realize that many would say well why not just never light a fire. The problem is not with the fire place itself. you see what is really being trained is for my daughter to obey when I say something is a “no”. If I can consistently train her not to touch the things that may cause pain or may be broken if she is to forceful then in essence I am really training her that when I say no, she will heed my word.
Here is another example: If I train my child to come the first time I call her then when I am out in public and she is running through a park…I can say “stop, come back here” and she will stop in her step, turn and come back to my side. Now, I am not suggesting that she is perfect, I am just suggesting that as I “tie sweet bonds of fellowship with her” and consistently train her, she will long to obey me and strive to not disappoint.
Okay, so let me re-assure some of you, if in fact anyone is still reading. A parent should never discipline or train when angry. Never spank out of anger or hard enough to do more than sting just a little bit…it does not even have to be hard enough to make a child cry as long as you are consistent to give the same consequence for each action your child will soon learn that you mean business and the you are going to win. There are real consequences for actions in the real world so why not at home too?
I put to you that regardless of what you may or may not be doing you are training your children in one way or another. You just either train them to be obedient, content, joyful, and helpful children or you train them to be selfish, self serving, mean, angry, dishonest, and discontent children.
Please think about what you are teaching, or not teaching to your kids. Whatever you do, follow your conscience, I know that as long as you do your best you will be doing better than many others!
If you are interested in learning more about child training and Godly parenting principles I suggest you check out http://www.nogreaterjoy.org Just take everything they say with a grain of salt…you don’t have to do it all but recognize that they have a heart for kids and for equipping their parents to be able to properly raise them. Also please realize that as Christians we ultimately want to teach our children to lovingly obey so that they will be able to recognize the need to lovingly obey God…we see it as a way to woo them. It is always done with great care, diligence, love, and tenderness. Never, never, NEVER out of anger!
Quia Gloria Eius 